Category Archives: Heart Talk

Family Portrait

22 Sunday May 2011

Posted by in Heart Talk, Story Time

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In today’s post, I will blog about my siblings and I.

There are six of us. In alphabetical order: Aefilda, Anisha, Effadylia, Naquyuddin, Nastassia and Surfri. Why alphabetical order? To avoid a certain someone to feel old. :p

We're up for reality series contract if anyone is interested... Hahaha. Right.

From L-R: Anisha (15), Nastassia (21), Aefilda (23), yours truly (21*), Surfri (19) and Naquyuddin (13).

No, seriously, it would be interesting if there were a reality series based on my family... I'll be the drama queen as always but in a good way... Hehe.

I am not ashamed to admit that I am not the best sister in the world but truthfully speaking, I do care for them, in my own way, of course. Sure, being the eldest comes with many perks but at the same time, burdened with a lot of responsibilities.

I cannot lie to you that there was a time when I wish I could be an only child. When I was younger, I did wonder how would life be like if there were only my parents and I. I would be the apple of their eyes, the house will be less crowded, a better education and many more opportunities for me. Selfish, much? You can’t blame me for wanting some attention.

Aefi was born when I was one year and seven months old. I was three years old when Shasha was born. Surfri or Boy came to the picture when I was five. For a while, I seriously thought I would not have any more younger siblings until Anisha and Naq were born in 1996 and 1998 respectively.

Growing up was not a smooth road for me. I’m not trying to say I didn’t have a happy childhood but it was more or less bittersweet. I cannot remember how many times we almost kill each other fighting over small silly stuffs. Having said that, there are also countless good times spent together; for example, going on an imaginary adventures in our parents room, the backyard, the living room, anywhere really.

Thankfully we managed to go through the turmoil-ridden teenage years. It wasn’t easy but we learned from our mistakes.

If you didn't know any better, who do you think is the eldest? Hehehe.

Let’s focus on the present. Both Aefi and Shasha are married. The rest of us? Well, I am currently in a relationship with Aslan and will graduate from Unimas this October. Boy is still having a post-school crisis. He’s still finding the right path, I sure hope he’ll find it soon. Anisha and Naq are still schooling.

I realized my siblings are all I got since my parents divorced. I don’t mean to sound too dramatic but it just feels like that. Talking about my parents… I am disappointed with them. Yes, I do understand their situation but I wish they would take some time to try to understand us.

Oh well, God knows what He is doing.

Love,
E.

Of Fate and Destiny

28 Thursday Apr 2011

Posted by in Barefoot Day, Final Year Project Blues, Heart Talk, Story Time

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After reading about the recent tornadoes and terrible storms in the USA, I am glad I am still here in Kuching. Thank you God almighty for protecting me from harm.

I was planning to go for the Summer program but it was not meant to be. I am now in the process of finding out whether I can make it for the Autumn program in late October.

If that does not work out well either, there’s always the Winter program. Wish me luck!

Anyhow, I’ve still got one more chapter left to type for my thesis. After I submitted this chapter, the editing process will begun. In two weeks time, I will be expected to pass up the complete thesis to my supervisor. I do hope I can settle everything by late mid-May.

I can’t hardly wait to be free like a bird. I’ve got so many things plan for May.

First on my list is to review Rumah Hijau (Green House) Cafe at Rubber Road. I’ve been there twice and I really love their food. It’s a pity every time I dine there, I don’t have any camera with me.

Another fabulous dining place I’d like to review is Hubaba’s Arabic Kitchen at Wayang Street. To be honest, I didn’t enjoy my first visit there. I had a higher standard in mind, plus, maybe take-away quality didn’t do much justice. After I dined in with Aslan last week, I came to love their food!

As of traveling plan, Aslan and I are thinking about visiting Rapik in Miri in late May. I haven’t been to Miri in ages! The last time I was in the city was almost seven years ago! We’ve calculated the rough cost and the probability of us going is quite high.

Lastly, I have a surprise for you in May. Hehehe. I’m excited about it but I can only share with you the juicy details once I’ve got my hand on a copy of it. Wait and see!

I’ll blog more soon, okay?

Love,
E.

The Good and Equally Bad Dilemma

22 Tuesday Mar 2011

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If you had money to spend, what would you do with it? Would you rather go on holiday or shop away your heart’s content? Don’t tell me you’d do both because that amount of money you have is only enough for a budget holiday or a shopping splurge.

I am torn between Bali or the bag. You must think I’m crazy for desiring a bag with such hefty price tag but at least I don’t gamble away all my money or waste them on unnecessary stuff. As my friend puts it, it is an investment.

Then again, maybe I don’t need a holiday nor a bag. It would be wiser if I just continue to save money, wouldn’t it?

The future is bleak and without money, one could barely survive.

Love,
E.

Love

17 Thursday Mar 2011

Posted by in Emopost, Heart Talk

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Why do some people do things in an extreme manner? It’s simple really, because there’s always a reason.

Alcoholics drink because they want to run away from reality.

Shopaholics shop away because they can’t seem to fill in that emptiness in their life.

People eat (or overeat for that matter) to find some comfort to ease their pain.

Casanovas leave their lovers heartbroken because they are afraid of commitment.

They say that without love, life would be meaningless. Love makes the world goes round. Love is everything and yet, love is one of the many reason why people do things in an extreme manner.

Love is a blessing and a curse at the same time. Love is both easy and hard.

Love is like water. Too much of it can drown you and too little, can deprive you of any livelihood.

Sometimes I wish I was a robot. It would be easier to live life without any emotions or feelings etc, wouldn’t it?

Love,
E.

Lost

10 Monday Jan 2011

Posted by in Emopost, Heart Talk

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Hello there. Sorry for not blogging so often like I did last year. Somehow, reality managed to catch up on me. I’m tied to a few things which prevent me from blogging daily. Well, I’m now back to porridge.

2011 started with me down with the annual fever. You name it, I have it all. I’ve been to Normah a few days back and paid RM50 for medicines I could have bought on my own for less than that. Pfft.

Last week I went to settle my university fee and I ended up being very late. To the point that I have to see the Dean. No thanks to Dad. I had to look for the money myself. It was barely enough to cover for the whole fee. Sighs.

That’s why I aim to finish university as soon as I can. I am sick of this life.

I have no idea what’s making me feel so lost. It only happens when I’m back home, I get so depressed.

Oh well, just five more months left, I’m sure I’ll get out of this maze soon and start a completely new life.

Love,

E.

Of Weight Issues

23 Tuesday Nov 2010

Posted by in Emopost, Heart Talk, Story Time

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Whenever I am feeling negative, I usually think of the next holiday in my calendar. The closest one right now will be the Christmas holiday in December.

Probably it’s that feeling whereby it’s almost the end of the year. It makes me feel so sick with life at the moment. 2010 almost reaches its end and I feel like I am still not doing my best for the resolutions this year.

One of my resolution this year is to lose weight. I know it’s too early to be proud of my achievement but I’ve lost 19 kg since the program started in June.

It was quite a last minute ordeal. The reason why I was so determined to lose weight was due to health reasons. I had a medical check up in Normah. Apart from being overweight, my blood pressure was horrible too. I was beyond my ideal weight.

It scared me terribly as being that heavy, I was so vulnerable to diseases. I hate looking at my ugly self on the mirror. I feel extremely ugly. I found it hard to find anything that fitted me nicely. I feared that Aslan would leave me for someone else more beautiful and skinny than me. I was paranoid. I didn’t sleep well. Every night I wished I could removed all the fat. I realised fat won’t just disappear.

Then, the diet started. I began my healthy lifestyle. I exercised daily. I ate moderately and healthily. I removed beef, rice, mayonnaise etc unhealthy from my diet and totally banished dinner and snacking from my life.

During the first few months, I was so obsessed with losing weight, I did a liquid diet. I didn’t take any solids for a month plus and I managed to lose 10 kg from that crazy act alone.

I became smarter and decided to lose weight healthily by controlled eating and exercise but nevertheless, dinner became nonexistent for me.

Today, I’m still fighting that war and although I’m slowing down a bit, it doesn’t mean I am giving up on it entirely.

 

Blood, Sweat and Tears

07 Sunday Nov 2010

Posted by in Emopost, Heart Talk

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li.ar |ˈlīər|
noun a person who tells lies

I find liars annoying.

two-faced
adjective
insincere and deceitful

I don’t like two-faced people.

Combined these two and here comes the ultimate enemy, a lying backstabber. And oh how I loathe one.

loathe
verb
I loathe their so-called music: hate, detest, abhor, execrate, have a strong aversion to, feel repugnance toward, not be able to bear/stand, be repelled by

Lies she said about me:

  1. She funded me my online business Wardrobe Circus and she was the one who flew to Singapore to buy the clothing>> In her dreams! Wardrobe Circus was funded by Aslan and I, each contributing 50% to the decided capital. We were in Singapore for Easter and took that opportunity to stock up for the boutique. I hand-picked all of the items myself! That MF still owe me money for one dress!!!
  2. She said I always like to borrow her ‘branded items’ and never return them>> Woman, your branded items were always always ALWAYS from Tebedu or Serikin! FU for saying I always take them and never return! In fact, you were the one who always offered to give your things away, which, I never took anyway!

two-faced
adjective
her two-faced ex: deceitful, insincere, double-dealing, hypocritical, backstabbing, false, fickle, untrustworthy, duplicitous, deceiving, dissembling, dishonest;disloyal, treacherous, faithless, traitorous, cheating, lying, weaselly; literary perfidious

How she is a backstabber:

All these years I’ve known her, I’ve always been a nice person to her. My sympathy for her was genuine. I helped her because I was honest to help. I cared for her. I treated her like family. I expect nothing in return. Then I found out that she’d been making stories behind my back

She said I always bring her out to meet boys>> Oh is that so? I thought she was always the ‘hot stuff ‘of Kuching for ages? When I was younger, every time I brought her out, my intention was exactly that. I just wanted to entertain her by bringing her around town with me. I pitied her when she always complained she was bored at home. I was really heartbroken when she said otherwise about me. She took advantage of my honesty.

I don’t know how she thinks she can get away with this but hey, you do something bad, it all comes back to you. I’m just gonna let this be off the hook because seriously, I think it’s not worth it. After all she’d done, no one would believe her. So long I have the truth with me, I don’t give a damn about what she said.

Besides, it just shows how much her life sucks by talking about mine all the time.

E.

P/S: She even made my family looks bad. I’m really angered by her. I never want to be associated with her, ever!

 

 

How does this works again?

22 Wednesday Sep 2010

Posted by in Heart Talk, Story Time

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I think I’ve reached the age where I can’t stop feeling jealous whenever a friend is getting hitched. I feel absolutely happy for her but at the same time, I can’t help to wonder, when it will be my turn?

I’ve known Aslan for eight years, I know him like the back of my hand. We’ve been dating since I was eighteen and honestly, sometimes, I can’t stand how my family pressures me to get married.

Then again, I don’t think I am ready for marriage even if I have the desire to do so. This is confusing, isn’t it?

Anyhow, the pressure has been passed down to me, therefore I asked Aslan about it in the most subtle way, ever.

“So, will you propose to me in the form of a surprise or you’d let me know about it first?” I know, what a silly question!

“It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you, would it?” said Aslan to me. Somehow, I knew he’d said that.

“When will that be?” Another bonus question. I failed at being subtle.

“I don’t want to raise your hopes up by telling the exact time but I’m sure it’s not too long from now,” he said with a smile on his face. Aslan is sensible. One of the many reasons why I love him.

“You’re saying you would like to be married to me?”

“Very silly of you to ask that question, of course I do. It’s just that I want to make sure I can give you a good life once we’re married.”

Sometimes I don’t get it why men think that the weight of the world is on their backs.

“We can start from scratch, we’ll work things out together,” I said, still thinking this marriage thing is easy.

“I know we can but I prefer it when I have a good steady job. I want to have a proper wedding and I am determined to get you a nice engagement ring and the best wedding ring.” He made me sound like I’m some sort of a gold digger with this ring deal.

“Aslan, I don’t think it’s even necessary to get me an engagement ring, what a waste of money. A simple ring will do, I don’t mind.”

“But I don’t want people to think I’m cheap.”

“You’re not being cheap, you’re simply cutting back some cost.”

“No. I don’t want to cut cost on you, I want the best for you,” he said to me as he held my hand tighter. Aslan is such a rare diamond. Honestly, I don’t give a damn about rings, they’re just rings in the end. What matters to me is him. His love.

In the end, we’ve concluded that it is a bit too early for us to get married. Aslan haven’t finished studying, neither have I. I have one more semester to go. I want to work for a couple of years first, collect money and buy all the things I always wanted. Of course, I’ll save some money for a grand wedding in the future.

We’ve decided our wedding will take place in BCCK to accommodate both our families and friends. Talking about weddings, he asked about traditional malay weddings and the processes involved.

I explained that first of all, there’s the merisik ceremony in which his parents would go to my house with their closest relatives and asks my parents on his behalf, for my hands in marriage to him. Then there’s the engagement ceremony, this can be skipped altogether but suppose there is money to spare, why not? Then finally, the wedding itself.

The wedding itself has a few stages. At the end of the day, both of us would be extremely knackered. I can’t imagine how will we survive through the long haul flight to Hawaii for our honeymoon. Oh well, I guess not sleeping will make the journey easier.

I thought of having a simple wedding but he wouldn’t have any of that. His argument? It’s not everyday you get to get married. I love Aslan.

Love,

E.

Home

19 Sunday Sep 2010

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Hello everyone, I am back home. Sorry for not blogging, been busy and as you know, I was in UK last week. I arrived Singapore on Saturday and spent a night before flying back to Kuching. Two weeks passed by so quickly, the holiday felt like a dream.

I must admit though, I do miss my family when I was there especially on the first day of Raya. Some must wonder, why do I prefer to go on a holiday with another ‘family’ instead of celebrating raya with my own family at home. That is a skeleton in my closet. Maybe I am running away from the painful truth. Maybe I am sick of sugar coated bitter cake. Maybe I just want to have some time away from home.

I am not so sure myself. Perhaps one day the explanation will be clearer, for now, let’s just leave it as it is.

While I was on holiday, I couldn’t stop thinking about my family. Sure, some may have the impression that I was having the time of my life but deep down inside, the sea was not as calm as one thought it would be. I cried in my sleep and on the way back home, I cried watching Chicken Little.

I think I started crying when I dreamt that mom and dad said they don’t want me anymore.

I cried a river when Chicken Little’s dad said he’d do anything for him. At that point, it brought me back to my nightmare.

Yes, I am an adult. Yes, I always said this doesn’t bother me at all.  Being 23 doesn’t mean one is immune from all this family drama. I am like a rock slowly eroding by the massive wave of emotional turmoil.

I do miss normality.

E.

September

01 Wednesday Sep 2010

Posted by in Heart Talk

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September didn’t start well for me. I got sick. I was sneezing the whole day. After the leaked nose, I got a headache and from there, everything happened like clockwork. I was suppose to go to Spring with Sara but I cancelled last minute because I didn’t feel great. I spent most of my day indoors, wishing, praying I will be healthier as soon as possible. My nose is red now due to the constant sneeze and tissue wiping.

It would be disastrous to travel when sick. Air pressure will make my sinus worse. I won’t be comfortable with the runny nose. I might have difficulty breathing and so on. If it’s a short flight, no big deal but we’re talking about going through a couple of time zones here. AGH. Just my freaking luck.

On top of that, even if I am sick, I am committed to meet up with my friends before I go. No matter what, this social butterfly will keep on fluttering its wings! I’ve organized two parties and I’ve done everything using my BB. What will life be without BB? I can’t imagine!

Life doesn’t stop feeding me misery, I am anxious about breaking the news to some people. Mostly because I don’t want to break their hearts. I know they’ve been through a lot but what I am going through now is unthinkable. How can I possibly want to stay in Kuching for raya after what’s happened? Some say I’m being selfish and running away from my problem but who are they to judge me?

I am an adult now. I’m not running away from trouble. I just don’t want to be hurt or sad. Besides, isn’t raya for a month? I’m not going away for too long anyway.

Excuse me if this entry is depressing. At this moment, life is as bitter like finding out the shoes that I love not available in my size.

Cheers to a better day.
E.

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